One sunny morning,
Analyn: Over the hills and far away.
Link awoke rather early, as the clock said it was 7:00.
Jeff: Wait ... he woke up early BECAUSE the
clock said 7:00?
Eddie: I guess.
Analyn: So in theory, the clock saying seven
causes Link to wake up early.
Jeff:Must be.
Analyn: So, Link could also wake up early at
seven at night.
Jeff: I guess.
He went outside,
Eddie: Is anyone else getting the image of Link
in one of those 1920s cartoons with the dancing flowers and the bad piano
music?
Jeff: I suppose the Legend of Zelda would be
considered a "talkie".
Analyn: Except for Link, yes.
and was confronted by Saria. “Hey Link,” she said, “Do you wanna go to my house and um.”
Analyn: Um. Why yes, I um all the time. Hey, I'm umming right now. Everybody, UM!
She had a smile on her face, which told Link that she was in her love mood.
[All scream]
Eddie: Oh, God!
Jeff: ... "love mood?"
Analyn: Perhaps I'm not umming right now.
Jeff: ... "love mood!?"
Analyn: That's seriously just messed up. Not
much else to say there, really.
Jeff: ... "love mood!?"
Link was annoyed because he had gone through this for 2 years now.
Jeff: ... "love mood!?"
Eddie: Are you okay?
Analyn: Oh, good, we've vapor locked him.
"Look, I told you this a million times, I am not going to cheat on Zelda!"
Analyn: I can call eleventy billion fangirl penalties
right now, the first and foremost being that Link doesn't talk. EVER.
Eddie: Link didn't know Zelda until he left the
forest, right?
Jeff: ... "love mood!?"
Saria started to cry.
Eddie: Violent mood swings, huh? Girls have those a lot. [Analyn hits him] See?
Link said, "Look, it's not that I hate you,
Jeff: [Link] It's just that you're ugly and you
smell and you have freaky green hair and no boobies and you have the personality
of a brick and I'm only ten so I still consider girls icky.
Analyn: [Link] I'm not in my love mood.
Jeff: I hate you, Annie.
Analyn: You're welcome.
but Zelda just got to me first…”
Eddie: [Link] And she gave me these nifty brocures. So, are you "of the path?"
Well, I'm tired of Mido bothering me because I hate him and to tell you the truth, I think he is mentally challenged, she said.
Analyn: Where on God's green earth did THAT gem
come from?
Jeff: Perhaps it's "Say Random Lines" day.
Eddie: I like pie!
Analyn: This is where the fish live.
Jeff: Tig bitties.
All: PAK CHOONIE UNF!
Link couldn't help but to laugh.
Analyn: I hate to be a grammar nazi --
Jeff: Good, then don't.
So then Saria went home.
Eddie: Wait, she just turned around and left?
Jeff: [Link] Um, goodbye? Or no?
After that was over, Link saw Mido and he looked upset.
Analyn: Well, I guess Mido's not in his love
mood.
Jeff: You suck.
Link decided to see what was wrong.
"Mido, what's bothering you?"
Eddie: Quick fire!
Jeff: "This stick up my butt, it won't come
out!"
Analyn: "I didn't pick the winner of
'Survivor'!"
Eddie: "The ship! The bottle! Just how do they
do it?!"
Jeff: "I've been feeling a little attracted to
Millhouse!"
Analyn: "I've been working all morning on finding
my butt with two hands and a butt-finding radar, but I'll be darned if I
just can't do it!"
Eddie: "I can't decide if my new shirt is pink
or salmon!"
Jeff: Only two or three people will EVER get
that.
Eddie: Okay.
He responded, "Go ask the Deku Tree."
Jeff: The old goose is dead.
The Deku Tree said that the Gerudos are planning an attack.
Analyn: That was a touching and poignant scene.
Link thought that he would go to the castle and get his gear.
Eddie: As for actually doing it, well, he could,
but then again, he could also throw down another round of Smash Brothers.
Jeff: Here's a random aside: wouldn't it be trippy
if Link fought as Mario?
When he arrived, Zelda was worried about something, but he didn’t have time for that.
[All laugh]
Analyn: I like how it could be anything, too.
It's just defined as "something". [as Zelda] Link, honey, something just
cut off my arm ..
Jeff: [Link] No time.
Analyn: [Zelda] But sweetheart, I'm bleeding
...
Jeff: [Link] NO TIME.
Analyn: [Zelda] I'm going to faint and die!
Jeff: [Link] It's always about you, isn't it?!
He went straight to the king and got the Noble Sword and Iron Shield.
Eddie: The what and the who? Seriously, did this person ever play the game?
On his way out, Zelda asked why he had his gear.
Jeff: That thing she was worried about earlier, it must've been really important.
Link told about the Gerudo attack,
Analyn: Told who?
Jeff: Bad nazi! Down! Down!
and since she was holding his triforce of courage,
All: CONVEEEEEEEEENIENT!
she gave it back to him, kissed him, and told him good luck. When Link got back home, he found his fellow kokiri friends armed with Wooden Swords and Deku Shields. Mido had a Kokiri Sword and Wooden Shield.
Analyn: WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT?!
"Link," he said, "since you and I have the strongest weapons,
Jeff: Well, there you go.
Analyn: ... I guess, but I'd rather have, you
know, scenes and stuff.
I've instructed everyone else to lead them into the Lost Woods." "What about the girls? I don't see them anywhere." Link said.
Eddie: I see that Link is in his love mood.
Analyn: "Bring on the whores!"
"Don't worry, they're in the Sacred Forest Meadow. Safe and Sound." "Now back to the plan. After they're in the lost woods we'll follow behind them, taking them out, one by one if we have to. Sound good to you?" "yeah" Link responded.
Jeff: Huh? How many and who is speaking to what
person on what street corner for how many crackers?
Analyn: I respond with "yeah".
The Gerudo finally came,
Jeff: I see that they're in their love --
Analyn: Don't you DARE.
and with that, the fight started.
Eddie: But really, it devolved into more of
a hoe down.
Analyn: You know what? We might actually get
a scene or two here in a minute.
Jeff: What do you mean?
Analyn: Well, except for Saria the Horney, we've
really had more of a plot outline up until this point. We've just been told
what happens, you know?
Jeff: Hmm. You know, that's true.
Analyn: I know it is, that's why I said it. But
this, this is a FIGHT SCENE! We're gonna get swashbuckling and stabbing and
gouging and action and --
Link found that Zelda had sent about a dozen Hylian knights to help. Everything went according to plan, and the kokiri won.
Analyn: Wait, WHAT?!