How They Met.
Jeff: The waves, they're making me nauseous.
This is a Link/Zelda story.
Eddie: Yes, because Shakespeare himself started his plays with, "This is a Romeo/Juliet play."
Malon and Saria are jealous.
Analyn: Jer-RY! Jer-RY!
And there trying to kill Zelda for Link.
Analyn: Bitchin', do they also read Catcher in the Rye?
Jeff: Obligatory penalty called for there/their/they're.
Rated R for Romance,
[Analyn, Jeff and Eddie Laugh]
Jeff: They fall in LOVE! Think of the CHILDREN!
Action, Sex, Rape... Note:this is from a dream I had so im just putting in the Dream part in the start ok!
Eddie: Dream fic? Is this gonna hurt?
Jeff: This fic is about rape ... without lube, by stupid fanfic.
And there will be songs for Chars just not in this Chap Oh yea and he looks like Young Link even though he's 14.
Jeff: She's too lazy to put the songs in her songfic. Awesome.
Eddie: What the hell, young link is 14?
"This is talking" (Thinking) ((me putting something up))'listening in on conversations'
Analyn: Not only does this fic have a key, which sucks, it has a sucky key. Why the hell do we need "Listening in on conversations?" You know, fanfic authors, how you know what's going on? You become literate.
It was a sunny day when Link, the Fourteen year old boy walked out of his Tree house in Kokiri forest.
All: Agent turner! Agent turner!
And jumped off his Porch and onto the ground.
Eddie: It's been a few years, but remind me: isn't it a pretty good leap from his tree house to the forest floor?
Analyn: "Link jumped off his porch and, upon impact, fractured every bone in the lower half of his body."
Jeff: I guess he's committing suicide before the fic starts.
Saria walked down to him and blushed. (oh goddesses is he cute!)
Jeff: Exposition? Who the hell needs exposition!
She thought as he looked at him and said. "Nice jump my little hero of time!"
Eddie: Saria ... Saria's creepy in this story. She's going to start, like, petting him any minute.
Saria giggled as Link gave her a confused look. (My hero of what and whos-it?) He thought as he looked at the entrance to Kokiri forest. "Saria..im leaving Korkiri forest"
Analyn: Which is exactly why he looked at the entrance.
Jeff: How's he gonna leave, what with all the broken bones?
Link said as Saria gave him a shocked look.
"B-but I yo- me!" Saria bawled as Link stepped back.
Jeff: Shit, son, I'd be backing away from that basket case too. She's the kind that will poke holes in your condoms. Apparently.
Analyn: That's a good point ... why does Saria always turn into The ADD Avenger in fanfics?
"I need to Explore
Eddie: No no, you need Firefox! Much nicer.
..its been Fourteen years since I've left! And that was when I was a baby!" Link shouted startling Saria.
Analyn: Hold on ... I thought Link didn't find that out in the game until he was 18?
Jeff: Remember that Chrono Trigger fic we did where the author never actually played the game, her dad just told her about it? I'm havin' a flash back.
"I'll come visit sometimes I promise!" Link shouted as he ran out of the entrance.
Eddie: He then promptly drove on a parkway and parked on a driveway.
"LINK!" Saria yelled but it was to late. "I...love you" she continued hoping Link would come back and everything would be ok.
Jeff: And then Santa Claus would come down from Heaven and make it all better.
Link ran to Hyrule castle Market and looked around. He heard that there was a fisetival for Princess Zelda.
Analyn: It was FIESTA-VAL!
He saw Impa Zelda's guard standing at the top of a big platform hovering above the Bazar.
Jeff: Wait, it was just floating there? What is this, Super Smash Brothers?
Eddie: Zelda happens in kind of a medieval society. How'd they get the technology to make a platform float?
Jeff: Not to mention that it doesn't make a damn lick of sense.
Analyn: God, I hope no one thinks "but it was in my dream!" is a valid excuse.
He heard Impa yell something about 'Zelda Missing' and he looked around.
Analyn: Calling penalty for lack of dialogue.
"Hmm..maybe she's just a little nervous or something!" Link said to himself as he ran down an Alleyway.
Jeff: Link's gon' get raped.
After he looked in every alley he heard someone yelling and begging for help. Link took into a sprint and saw a Wolfo and a Deku Scurb trying to get Zelda who was wedged between two box's.
Link pulled out the Blade Sword ((New sword just go with it))
Eddie: Is ... is that a threat?
Analyn: I'm willing to accept that that the author made up a new sword, but -- wait a second. Blade Sword? What the hell else would a sword have in it? Nerf?
Jeff: Why does Link even need a new sword? What was so terrible about the Kokiri Sword?
and hit the Wolfo in the head spurting blood to the ground and killing it instantly.
Jeff: Well, that was simple.
Eddie: That thing must have had a blood pressure of, like, a billion over a million.
Link kicked the Deku Scrub into a wall making it angry as it charged at him Link jumped out of the way and tossed the sword at the Deku Scrub hitting it where it's heart would be.
Analyn: Periods aren't just those things that make your big sister pissy once a month. Think of them as a fun punctuation adventure!
Eddie: Brought to you by Period Incorporated, Makers of Fine Periods.
Jeff: Periods: More than just a pretty dot.
He helped Zelda get out of the box's.
Eddie: The box's what?
Zelda hugged Link and cried "Thank you Thank you so much you're my hero!" Link blushed and felt something in the middle of his stomach.
Analyn: He could have felt anything in the middle of his stomach. Say, a golf club.
"What's you'r name?" Zelda asked as she looked at Link and smiled.
Eddie: Quick fire!
Analyn: Link. MISS Link if you're nasty.
Jeff: Me? I am the walrus, koo-koo-ca-choo.
Eddie: You can call me Shaft. John Shaft.
Analyn: He's a wuzzle and his name is Peanut.
Jeff: My name is Ingo Montoyas. You killed my father. Prepare to die!
Eddie: Call me Ishmael.
(Those eyes..Those lips) Link thought as he was brought back into reailty by Zelda's question.
Analyn: [sings] Those fingers in my hair ... that sly, come hither stare ...
"Um..zeink! I Mean Link! Im Link!" Link said as Zelda fell to the ground laughing.
Jeff: Audiences will not be seated during the "Zeink" sequences.
"- My na-name is Zelda HAHA! You'r pretty funny ze- I mean Link!" Zelda laughed as Link started laughing to.
Jeff: Laughing to what?
Analyn: Laughing to get out of this fic and to one that makes more sense.
After Zelda stopped laughing she asked. "How old are you??" "Fourteen" replied the Blond haired boy.
Eddie: [Link] Never you mind that I look ten, as per the author's notes.
Jeff: Nice of them to capitalize blond. It's important to know that Link is Of The Perfect Race.
Zelda eyes lit up. "Im fourteen! I mean I turned Fourteen today! Come on follow me!"
Analyn: [Zelda] My GOD, we have to get you to the special fourteen club on fourteenth street where fourteen people serve you! Hurry, while you still look ten!
Zelda said as she took off towards the town Link behind her wondering what the heck she was going to do. (Wait up! I feel like something bad is going to happen!) Link thought in his head
Jeff: Thank you, fanfic, I thought he thought in his ass.
Analyn: This author, she's the master of foreshadowing!
Zelda ran up and jumped onto the Platform.
Eddie: Nine and three quarters.
"Whao! How did she do that? The platform is 50 feet in the air!"
Jeff: Say what.
Analyn: First of all, this wasn't introduced to us when we first learned about the concept of the platform. By the way, we're still wondering what the hell.
Eddie: Second of all, how did Zelda out jump most members of the NBA?
Link said aloud as Zelda spoke. "I thank you for comeing and im sorry I was late..I had a little problem
Eddie: [Zelda] Yeah, it was so weird. Microsoft Word kept putting green and red squiggles under, like, EVERYTHING I wrote.
..but I had some help.." Zelda turned and winked at Link. Link felt something in his stomach again.
Analyn: Once again, anything. Say, a wire wig doll brush.
Link saw someone that looked like a lady sneak up behind Zelda. Though no one noticed.
Jeff: That ... would be the point of sneaking, yes.
Eddie: If no one noticed, and Link noticed ... what?
Link yelled "ZELDA WATCH OUT!".
Analyn: Hold on, how'd Link know this dude was bad?
Eddie: [Fanfic fan] He was sneaking, duh.
Jeff: How'd he get up on the platform?
Eddie:[Fanfic fan] He jumped!
[Jeff, and Analyn stare]
Everyone turned to look at him to see who it was. The ((lets just call him kidnapper)) kidnapper
Eddie: Wow. I'm impressed. I mean ... wow, just wow.
Jeff: Just put a big sign up in your stories that say, "I made this up on the fly," dear author.
Analyn: What if I refuse to call him kidnapper? I'm going to call him Leroy Biggs.
Jeff: Out of spite?
Analyn: Out of spite.
looked at Link and glared.
Analyn: [Kidnapper] Damnit, Link, you blew my cover! Big meanie.
Link ran towards the platform
Jeff: But he was on the platform?
Eddie: Wasn't he on the platform!?
and seemed to be lifted up into the air.
Analyn: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.
Link landed and drew his sword and jumped for a Hyruleian Shield and grabed it.
Eddie: So, the shield was floating in air?
Jeff: Next to the platform? Or over it?
Analyn: I hate this fic.
The kidnapper drew two swords and jumped towards Link.
Analyn: Wasn't Leroy here on the platform? Is he jumping down while Link's jumping up?
Eddie: I think I've got it. This is a Mario Brothers crossover.
Jeff: You know what? Sure.
Zelda stepped back afarid and shocked. (Link...what are you doing?) She thought as she saw Link get stabbed in the arm.
Jeff: Because when you want to take a dude down quick, you go for an arm.
Eddie: [Kidnapper] Well, I was going to try to nick him in the shoulder, but it was too hard to hit.
"LINK!" Zelda screamed as Link fell to the ground as Link looked at the kidnapper.
"If there's one thing if learned from being in this postion by Mido when he's beat me up...its that you should always stand on guard." The kidnapper looked at Link confused.
Analyn: So ... awesome, not even Leroy Biggs knows what the hell is going on.
Eddie: How ... how often does Mido push Link down? And why --
Jeff: Leave it alone. Some questions are better left unanswered.
Link kicked him in the leg and triped him as Link sumersualted backwards. Link triped and fell off the platform. "NO LINK!" Zelda screamed as she ran over and tried to grab his hand. (...my..friend...he just...no) Zelda thought as she started crying.
Jeff: You met him fifteen minutes ago! He is Captain Random Guy of the Face In The Crowd Brigade! Why the hell do you care if he falls off or not?
Eddie: How come, in fanfiction, it only takes a few minutes to become lifelong friends?
Analyn: It's easier than developing the characters.
The kidnapper turned towards Zelda and grabed her. "You're mine" he screamed as Zelda struggled for freedom.
Eddie: Zelda, you're rich and Hylian. In this world, there is no struggle for you ... now, the Gerudo...
Analyn: Insert girly scream here.
as the townspeople grabed him and set him down. "Hurry you must save Zelda!" they shouted as Link jumped back up to the platform. "LINK!!" Zelda screamed with happiness.
Eddie: Huh!? [Zelda] Oh, Link, HOORAY FOR ME BEING KIDNAPPED!
The kidnapper glared at Link and took off towards the sky with Zelda.
Jeff: Did he ... jump?
Analyn: Super Mario crossover, remember?
"No..Zelda! Zelda! Hang on! I'll get you!...somehow..." Link said as he looked towards the sky and looked around.. "In a few days someone will be here and can take you up" Impa said as she looked at Link. "Until then..just get ready..." Link nodded as he hoped Zelda would be ok.
Analyn: Okay, kids, it's lesson time! THIS is a big reason why dreams don't make good fanfics: they don't make a lick of sense. You know that feeling you get when you dream something, then you wake up, and you can't figure out what just happened or why it happened? BIG HINT COMING UP HERE: it will make even less sense to those of us not involved! We have no idea where the hell Link is going, or why it's going to take someone a few days to get him there, or why he can't magically jump in the air like everyone else in this ficverse. I mean, we're really supposed to buy that Link, Impa, and an entire castle full of Zelda's royal family is just cook with chillin' for a few days whilst this kidnapper -- whom we know is a kidnapper only from the author's notes -- does what the hell ever to Zelda?!
Jeff: Don't forget the floating platform.
Analyn: What the hell with the floating platform.
((Link now looks like Adult Link So does Zelda I don't know why though it was in my dream!))
Eddie: Why thank you, fic author, you just gave Analyn a coronary.
Jeff: Seriously ... it's okay to get an idea from a dream. We're not arguing with that part. But just because it was one way in the dream doesn't mean you can't edit it up a little bit so it's at least logical. Your subconscious did not Will It So, and no one will explode if you do a little editing. You know, for the better.
A horse came from the sky as Link looked at it. (What the??) Link thought as he saw a girl on the horse.
Analyn: So help me God, if that's Serenity...
When the horse landed she looked at Link. "Hi there! My name's Malon what's you'rs?" She asked.
Eddie: The ... the horse's name was Malon?
Jeff: Dude. I bet they TOTALLY rigged that horse's mouth with peanut butter.
Link was in a hurry and did'nt want to talk. "My names Link and I need to get up there! Someone has taken Zelda up there!" Link spoke as Malon tried to think of what she heard.
Jeff: God oh God oh God. List of things wrong with this segment?
Analyn: Link 'doesn't want to talk', yet he gives Malon the horse a detailed report of what's going on.
Eddie: Detailed is being nice -- Link only specifies that he needs to go 'up'. Which, so far in this fic, that's all we, the audience, know. Since Link watched the kidnapping himself, he should know more than "UP THERE!".
Jeff: Malon "thinking of what she heard" means that Malon is trying to recall something she has heard in the past, probably gossip. Or, being a horse, perhaps she's heard the farmer's daughter in the loft with a traveling salesman.
Analyn: It's amazing, but "did'nt" actually isn't the worst part of that sentence.
"Well I can give you a lif- Malon was cut off when Link jumped on knocking off Malon.
Analyn: Okay, realistically, we can kind of guess that Malon is the girl RIDING on the horse, even if that's not what the fic says. Even so, that still makes the above sentence hilarious.
Jeff: How the hell do you jump on a horse AND knock someone off in one fell swoop?
Eddie: Maybe it's a miniature horse?
"Thanks and I'll return uh.." "Epona" Malon said. "Oh..well I'll return Epona soon!" Link said as Epona took off towards the city in the sky.
Eddie: That's where we're going! So kind of you to tell us, fanfic! How kind of you.
"Lon Lon Ranch eh?" Link said as he got off and ran in Link took off towards the Ranch and entered the building he ran to the top and the roof rasied about fifty feet to a door Link entered hopeing to find Zelda he ran down the hallway.
Jeff: Try this, dear fic author: . It's called a period. It's fun!
Analyn: We can all use periods! For free!
Eddie: Brought to you by Your Period Council. Periods: Ending Sentences since 1605!
Analyn: Anyway, where'd Lon Lon Ranch come into play? Does Link commonly commit horse theft, then dismount and say the name of random places?
Jeff: I thought he was going to the city in the sky. This makes it sound like he's going to a ranch.
Eddie: A ranch inside a building.
Analyn: On a roof?
Jeff: The roof has a hallway.
Analyn: What the hell, fic, what the hell.
Eddie: It's like reading an M. C. Esher painting.
A weak and dirty Zelda slumped down to the ground. "..Link..please...please come and rescue me..I...I...I've loved you ever since the day I met you"
Analyn: Whiiiich was fifteen minutes ago.
she said as she saw the kidnapper walk over. "You..you rape women for fun don't you?" Zelda screamed as she saw the man walk to her cell.
Jeff: [Kidnapper] No, I rape them for profit.
Eddie: So, hold on. Was the kidnapper walking to her cell?
Jeff: I think so.
Eddie: Jus' checkin'.
" Yes I do..and I want you"
Analyn: [Kidnapper] ... to consider saving 15% on your car insurance.
he said as he opened up the cell Zelda steped back and saw Link walk in.
Eddie: Wait, wasn't Link in that hallway on the roof?
Analyn: So ... I guess the hallway on the roof just had a cell like ... hanging out on it. Jawesome.
"LINK!" Zelda screamed. "Zelda!" Link yelled. "Leave us alone you weak little boy im busy with my little play girl!" he yelled as Zelda ran up the stairs that appeared.
Analyn: Okay, it's pretty bad when stairs randomly appearing is the most logical thing you've got going for the architecture in your fic.
Eddie: Wait, wasn't Zelda in a cell?
Jeff: I guess stairs appeared in her cell.
Eddie: Then what does she need Link for?
Analyn: He's just there to look good in tights.
Eddie: But he's only fourteen!
Jeff: Wait, I thought he was an adult?
Analyn: I'm thinking that this fic, it's finally breaking us.
The kidnapper ran up the steps after her. Link followed them with his sword out.
Zelda got to the roof
Eddie: ... that was in the hallway that holds a cell with magic appearing stairs ...
and tried to get down from there. "There's a barrier!" she cried as she saw the kidnapper appear. "You little girl! Don't run! I am Gannondorf you'r new husband!"
All: I, GARLAND, WILL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!
He yelled as he closed in on her. "Yo Gannondork bring it on!" Link yelled from behind him.
All: Don't call me son, 'cause I sure ain't your pops!
Jeff: So, it's Classic Video Game Quote Time, yes?
Analyn: It's better than trying to make sense of this fic.
Gannon turned around a glared at him.
"You dare try to fight me you weak little...boy!" Gannondorf yelled as he pulled out his swords at walked towards Link. "Link..no I don't want you to get hurt I love you run!" Zelda yelled!
All: Link, do you think that love can bloom on a battlefield?
(Did Zelda did say she just lov-) Link thought as a blade was shoved into his chest.
Analyn: You dumbass, Zelda also said "RUN".
Eddie: Also, we must point out that this author's spelling "Ganon" wrong. Plus, using "Ganon" and "Ganondorf" for the same dude. Impressive.
"NOOO LINK!" Zelda screamed as she saw Link fall to the floor motionless. Zelda fell to the ground and cried. Gannondorf laughed at Links weak attempts. He turned his attention back to Zelda. "Now where were we.".
Eddie: Does anyone really know? Seriously, ten bucks to anyone who can pinpoint the location of these three characters.
"We were in the middle of an ass-kicking 'honey'" Link yelled from behind him
Jeff: I'm sorry. What, now?
Analyn: I know the dude wears tights, but even so, that's pretty da-gone gay.
Eddie: Ladies and gentlemen, Queer Eye for the Hylian Guy!
as Gannon turned around as he got a blade shoved into his throat. Gannon had a spazam
Analyn: He had a spa-ZAM!
Jeff: Loving the hell out of hexicode, today, Annie?
and finally died. "Link.." Zelda cried as she ran over to Link who fell to the ground.
Eddie: The ground of the hall, the ground of the roof, the ground of the stairs, the ground of the cell, or what?
Analyn: Let's not forget that this is both Lon Lon Ranch and the city in the sky.
Zelda kneeled down and cried. "Link..don't die..I love you! Impa told me that the one I loved would resuce me from a evil force.
Jeff: Wouldn't that have made a wonderful scene for us to read.
But she did'nt say you would die!" Zelda said
Analyn: Um ... sweetheart ... that was kinda implied.
as Link looked up at her and smiled. "..I've got some good news for you Zelda..I lov...e..you...t..o" Link said as he fell to the ground limp.
Eddie: About that. Anyone that could deliver that 'honey' line with a straight face? Yeah, Sheik's gonna be a little more their speed ifyouknowwhatImean.
Link awoke in a bed and looked around. "Zelda!" Link looked around shocked. He saw Malon walk in.
Jeff: Hang tight. Why did Link shout 'Zelda!' when he saw Malon the horse come in?
Analyn: Ooo! Ooo! Zelda's a horse!
Jeff: Sure, why not! Hell, they're all horses! I'm a horse, you're a horse, LET'S ALL BE HORSES. WHY NOT, FANFIC, WHY NOT.
"You'r in Lon Lon Ranch! Zelda rescused you and I did'nt think she would ever let you go Talon had to drag her out but now...we have some time alone."
Eddie: Muted trumpet solo goes here.
Jeff: Did any of that make any sense to anyone?
Analyn: [Author] I've got to hurry through the plot to get to the lovin'!
Malon said as she sat by Link and played with a piece of his hair sticking out of his hat. "Where's Zelda!" Link yelled as Malon hushed him. "Relax Link...Zelda is fine." Malon said as she started singing a beautiful song. Link tried staying awake but it was to hard. Link fell asleep hearing Malon say "Good night Link..my love"
Jeff: Ewww ... that whole thing was creepy.
Analyn: Well, not to mention out-of-character.
Eddie: I'm hoping she does something like dip his hand in warm water to see if he pees.
Link awoke in the same room he had been in eariler
Eddie: ... how often, exactly, does Link wake up somewhere different?
Analyn: "New: Mardi Gras Link! With Real Passing Out Action!"
only he felt something or someone on him.
Link's eyes shot open as he saw Malon curled up beside him sleeping. "What the..no!..I cant..what about Zelda!"
Jeff: You know, just because Malon's sleeping next to him, that's not conclusive proof that they did the hanky panky.
Analyn: Could he actually do it? I mean, how old is he, anyway?
Eddie: [whimpers] Please, let's not go there again...
he said as he thought of an idea. Link grabed a flower pot and put it where he was. "Oh Link honey..are you sick? You feel cold.." she said in her sleep.
Analyn: How the hell ... yeah, sure, okay. A dirty, cold, round, small flower pot feels the same as a boy ... man ... dude. That's awesome, fanfic, glad we could help.
Link looked around and he found his tunic. "....I don't even want to think about it."
Jeff: Fanfic author! Listen carefully! You have just revealed yourself to be female!
Eddie: Big time!
Jeff: Because men, we pretty much know whether or not we did a chick.
Jeff: Trust me on this one, we keep track.
Analyn: Too bad you're both zero for zero.
Jeff: Hate you, Annie.
Analyn: Hate you too.
Link said in horror as he opened the door slowly and walked out Link had to be careful to not wake Ingo or Talon up.
All: [singing] Don't! Wake! DADDY!
So..he just ran down the stairs and grabed his sword and shield. Link ran out of the Ranch and looked around.
Eddie: Wasn't the ranch in the sky?
Jeff: Well, Link DID survive the drop out of his treehouse.
He spotted Epona he ran over and got on her.
Analyn: You know, he could have just rode Malon out.
She trotted towards the edge and started to run across the sky.
Eddie: Edge of ... the map?
Jeff: This fic ... I think it's just one huge bad 80s song. Think about it, can't you totally hear Cindi Lauper going, "Trotting toward the edge! Running 'cross the sky!"
"Wow...someone could get used to this.." Link thought as he saw Hyrule getting closer. "I forgot it's nighttime...but maybe Zelda will be here..but then I may have to wait." Link said as he sighed.
Analyn: [Link] But maybe I won't have to wait. But maybe I will.
He got off Epona and let her go free. (Malon can catch her later) Link thought as he went to Hyrule castle hoping to see Zelda in the morning.
Jeff: He's already pretty much breaking into the castle grounds, is there a good reason why he can't just break into her room?
Eddie: Wait, didn't he just wake up at Malon's? Shouldn't it be morning?
When Link got there a guard bowed down and said,"You'r majesty Zelda is waiting for you inside." He said as he pointed to te castle.
Analyn: So, did he say it?
Jeff: I think so. I think he said it.
Analyn: Just gotta check it out.
"Zelda...she's been expecting me??" Link said almost yelling.
Jeff: She's been waiting for you. Keep up.
"Yes...she has and she has not stopped crying since you'r dance with death eariler." The guard said.
Eddie: [Guard] Because Death was, like, the prettiest girl at homecoming and you TOTALLY ditched Zelda for her.
Link nodded and walked on as the guards bowed and pointed to the castle. Link was shocked that Zelda would do this but he continued to the castle. Link walked across the bridge and into the castle.
Jeff: Good news, everyone. CASTLE.
Analyn: I'm not going to point out that the guards shouldn't be bowing to Link, a commoner. I'm going to pretend, instead, that Link cut a huge fart and they're gagging from the smell.
Link walked forward to a few guard sand was warned that Gannondorf the king of evil was on the loose.
Eddie: Link was also warned that the juice was loose.
Jeff: Didn't they kill Ganon already?
Analyn: "A few guard sand." Sand guards? That doesn't seem very effective.
He nodded and was pointed to Zelda's room. He could hear Zelda crying from were he was. He walked over to the door. "Zelda.." "GO AWAY!" She screamed and started crying again. "Its me...Zeink" Link said hoping to make her feel better. "L-Link??" Zelda said confused. "Is it you?" she continued.
Jeff: [Link] Nope!
"The one and only!" Link joked as Zelda swung the door open and tackled Link into a hug.
Eddie: Sooo ... what you're saying is ... Zelda used to play for the Packers. Gotcha.
"Oh Link I missed you! I thought..." She trailed off as Link spoke up. "Don't worry Zelda..I am here now" Zelda hugged Link tighter. Link heard two cries of pain and horror from the guards.
Analyn: Whoa, dudes, I know the scene is bad, but --
There heads were twisted around and they were still alive. And Gannondorf was between them.
[Eddie hums Star Wars Imperial March]
Jeff: So it's Silent Hill meets Zelda. Gotcha.
"Hand the Princess over and you wont get hurt!" The King demanded to Link. "Go away and you won't get the ass-kicking of you'r life!" Link yelled
Analyn: Okay, you have to excuse me ... but this Link? Is so gay.
Jeff: He's probably thrilled crapless that he gets to deal with Ganon's ass.
as Gannondorf charged at Link who jumped to the side. Zelda ran to a platform
Eddie: ANOTHER platform!? What the hell, is the author getting paid commission? Fifty bucks a pop per platform by the American Platform Council?
Jeff: "Platforms -- They're What You Stand On!"
were she would be safe.
Link slashed the Gerudo king as he turned around and swiped Link in the chest missing him by a lot but still cutting into the flesh.
Analyn: Link ... just cut himself. Rockin'.
Jeff: You didn't know? Link's hardcore emo. He has a deadjournal and everything.
Link jumped back and
Eddie: ... kissed himself.
forgot about pain, horror, humor, happiness and sadness he only remembered that he had to keep Zelda safe.
Jeff: Oh, that's okay. We're remembering some serious pain over here for him.
Gannondorf took another stab in the arm as he swung a blade at Links face.
Analyn: So ... Ganondorf just stabbed himself, too? This isn't a fight scene, Link and Ganondorf are just seeing who's more emo than the other.
Jeff: What's next, the part where they all go to Hot Topic?
Link luckily managed to grab his sheild and stop the Death Blow.
Link rolled under Gannon's leg
Eddie: Analyn called it!
Analyn: Gay as a song bird.
and jumped up and charged the swords through his head.
Jeff: Okay, NOW Link's cutting his own head. Seriously. These two need some black hair dye and a Nine Inch Nails album like no body knows.
Gannon had a long spaszm trying to throw his swords at Link but missed both times. He screamed and disseapered.
Eddie: How do you say "disseapered?"
Jeff: I don't know what it means, but I guess I don't speak enough emo.
"Z..Zelda...I have to go back to Kokiri forest..for awhile at least..im sorry.." Link said as he walked out of the castle with a bloody sword and shield leaving Zelda behind.
Analyn: [sings] Broken swooooord ... shield, and tears that never end ...
Eddie: Wait, why's he going to Kokiri forest?
Jeff: The logical explanation, the one the fanfic missed out on, was that no one but the Kokiri may enter the forest, therefore Link would be safe. However, right now, I'm going with "Link's going back just to see if his chances with Saria are ruined."
Analyn: Um, this Link? This Link would prefer Mido.
Zelda followed Link to Kokiri forest and entered.
Jeff: FANFIC! Listen carefully! What did I just say! No one but the Kokiri may enter the forest! Or do you just not want any credibility?!
She saw Link go to his tree house so she followed him.
Link heard a soft knock at the door. "..Saria..leave me alone!" Link said as Zelda looked at him funny and thought (Who's Saria?)
Analyn: If Zelda can see Link, why's she knocking on the door?
".Umm..Link.." Zelda started. Link looked in shock to her. "Zelda...why did you..?" " I wanted to be sure you were safe..and to make sure people stayed away from my man" Zelda said as Link smiled.
Eddie: [loudly] MMMM-HMMM! Snap snap snap!
Analyn: Oh yes she did, girlfriend!
"So I am you'r 'man' now eh?" he said as Zelda walked towards him.
Analyn: [Link] 'Cause I was totally hoping you'd be my fag hag instead.
"We do love each other....don't we?"
Jeff: You have to ask. You EFFING have to ask. Why the hell --
Link nodded unsure of what she was about to do. Link fell back and triped on his bed. "Whao!" Link yelled as he fell onto his bed in a rather uncomfy position and rather unpleasent position he was in.
Zelda walked over and kneeled down and kissed him.
Analyn: Waitwaitwait. Link's in an 'unpleasant position'. Since he fell, he probably has his feet up in the air.
Eddie: And he wears tights.
Analyn: And he wears tights.
Eddie: And Zelda 'kneeled down' to kiss him.
Jeff: Dude! Zelda ... is she polishing the Master Sword, there?
Link moaned into Zelda's mouth as she made it more passionate.
Eddie: "Kissing Descriptions From People Who Have Never Been Kissed Volume 1."
Zelda thought in her head
Analyn: Once again, fanfic, where the hell else is she gonna think? Her feet?
Jeff: Well, right now, she's probably thinking with her --
Analyn: Thank you, that will be all.
(I love him..and no one can take him from me) Link broke away and smiled. "That was nice."
Jeff: [Link] I give it a 7.
Zelda said as Link put his arms around her waist as she lowered herself into the bed beside her new boy-friend.
Saria watched from behind the door in shock. "Link..my Link is going with this slutty whore of a princess!well..my Link will soon have a dead Zelda!"
Analyn: It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!
Saria said very angry as she left and went back to her house.
All: [Saria] Very angry!
Wow long huh?
Jeff: Unnescasarily so, yes.
Well I decided to make a new story and I had a dream that's how it happened..odd huh?
Analyn: Am currently showing self-restraint!
A new chap on UL soon and I think it may take awhile for this one
Eddie: Was ... was that English?
..R&R thank you!
Jeff: No, thank you.
Back -- Fangirl Review Theater