I am slowly but surely making better changes to my formatting of this
Analyn: Might I suggest a few more changes, while we're at it?
I hope yall enjoy it!
Jeff: Today's fanfic brought to you by Dukes of Hazard.
Eddie: Holy cow! Another one that's delusional about being in Hyrule! Is this a disease? Is this contagious?
Thank you so much for that nice comment!
Analyn: Nothing like getting your wankfest wanked.
I read it through my e-mail alert, because Im not sure how to read reviews on the website yet! Can someone out there help me with this? I know it sounds retarded, but hey, what can I do?
Jeff: ... wow. Yeah, it does "sound retarded."
Analyn: See that little link next to "Reviews"? Click on it. Magic things happen, and then the tooth fairy comes down from Heaven and gives everyone a prize.
Disclaimer: Since I didnt say it before, Im gonna say it now: I do not, never did, or never will own Zelda or any of its original characters.
Eddie: Could have fooled me.
Analyn: But that's okay, because you've got spirit.
I DO however own Serenity and Star Streak,
Jeff: Own? Sweetie, you freaking ARE...
so if you want to use them for something, just email me to get the okay first, please?
Analyn: Wait, what?
Jeff: Writing fanfiction of a fanfiction, that's just a little sad ... especially when it's fanfic of this thing.
Alright, done with that, so here is this!
CHAPTER 3: THE TRUTH IS REVEALED
Eddie: Santa? Real.
Jeff: Jimmy Hoffa? Buried under Atlantis.
Analyn: Dick Clark? Robot.
Come in Link and guest!
Analyn: Did Serenity not enter her name at the start screen?
Jeff: Dead serious, WHO SPEAKS LIKE THIS? Has the author ever spoken to real people?
Analyn: She's written a thirty-four chapter Freudian romp about her and Link doing it. You tell me.
a warm greeting met them as they entered the house.
Eddie: Just ... like ... what, then, the concept of a salutation was at the door?
Jeff: Geez, talk about your twentieth-century interpretive literature.
Impa sure was a sight for Serenity to see.
Analyn: As Captain Obvious takes to the skies once again. Really, was Impa a sight for her to hear, or what else were we to assume there?
She was tall and thin with a muscular build. Her crimson-colored eyes
Jeff: Bingo! I was wondering when we'd get to the flowery eye description.
Eddie: I'm still shocked that Mary Serenity doesn't have sapphire eyes.
stared through strands of grey hair in a pleasant tone.
Analyn: ... huh!? A pleasant ... tone? Like a sound?
Jeff: Her hair was ... singing, I guess?
Eddie: Ooo! Ooo! [sings] Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer!
She was wearing an armor-like top and blue shorts.
Eddie: So, what, she's sporting her Maiden Forms and some gym shorts here? What'd she do, fall in Hyrule Castle's laundry basket?
Impa smiled, Do not fear my appearance, young lady, Serenity was startled, Oh, Im not, I was just...
Analyn: I fear the grammar in this sentence. A period, a period, my kingdom for a period!
Jeff: Or a verb that means that one of them spoke. You can't smile or startle a sentence.
Surprised to see a lady in armor?
Jeff: [Serenity] What? Oh, no, it's cool, I've done kinkier. Ever seen a chick in a fox suit with bondage gear? Man, that's hot.
I am Impa, and I am a Shiekah.
Analyn: And I am still wondering where all this unnatural dialouge is coming from.
Eddie: [sings] Impa, limpa, dimp-a-dee dee...
We are a mystical tribe of people and we have the ability to read into other peoples minds and thoughts.
Jeff: Well, really? Because right now, I'm thinking that this was absolutely nowhere in canon.
Thats how I knew what you were thinking,
Eddie: [Impa] Just as an aside, don't bend over in front of the king of Hyrule. Or the queen, either, but you're not supposed to know that one.
Impa winked at her, among other things, Im sure.
Jeff: Oh, man, she really is coming on to her!
She turned to Link, Give us leave for a while,
Analyn: Yea, good sir. Verily.
Eddie: Did she even speak like this in the game!?
the festival starts in about two hours.
Jeff: Did we ever figure out why we're having a festival?
Analyn: No, but at this point, a Bacchanalia sounds really freaking good.
I will give her one of Zeldas old dresses to wear. Link nodded and left the house.
Eddie: Man, dude is WHIPPED ...
Jeff: So, the Hero of Time just wandered off because a castle servant said to.
Analyn: At least he followed canon and did it silently.
Once he was gone, Impa turned to Serenity. The look in her eyes told Serenity that she had not just seen Serenitys awkwardness about her, but something even more important.
Analyn: There's a lot of things more important than how awkward she is!
Jeff: Wait, Link never figured out who she was, did he.
Eddie: Huh, I don't think so. That means that he couldn't tell Impa. So Impa doesn't know.
Analyn: And yet she'll let her into her home and clothe her without questions?!
Jeff: I'm now convinced that in this fanfic, people walk around and things happen and the two aren't related.
You have no idea who you are or what you mean to this land, do you?
Eddie: Who is she, some high school guidance councilor?
Serenity sighed and said, no, not really. I have been having these strange dreams lately, and they keep becoming more and more vivid. Its like my whole life has been nothing but a lie.
Jeff: Your dreams make your life a lie. Wow. That's almost a complete logic disconnect.
Impa smiled, Not a lie, my dear, think of it as more of a disguise than anything.
Analyn: [Impa] As a matter of fact, if your dreams just so happen to be at night, that means that your entire life is painted in clown white.
I believe I can tell you all you need to know.
Eddie: Really? Cool beans. So, how do you pronounce Faierikin?
Really? Then explain this on my leg, Serenity stated as she rolled up her pant leg.
Jeff: She will take it off for ANYONE, won't she.
Analyn: [Impa] Sweetheart, that's a bug bite. You probably got that from pulling your pants up so much.
Impa glanced down at the mark and her eyes grew wide,
Eddie: [Impa] You have a rose tattoo? Hey, who's "Jenny"?
This is the sacred symbol of the Faierikin tribe! You really ARE the chosen one, arent you?
Jeff: HOW THE HELL SHOULD WE KNOW THAT?!
Analyn: Something hit me. Did Mary Serenity ever even tell Impa her name?
Impa set the table for two
Eddie: Poor Link, does he just have to eat the dirt outside?
Jeff: [Impa] Don't worry about Link, he's got some bottles of milk. He'll live.
and started cooking some food on the stove,
Analyn: Any sort of food. It was plain flavored. You can cook it any way you like, too.
Sit with me and we will discuss everything.
Jeff: Penalty. For Serenity to be able to sit with Impa, Impa must be sitting.
Analyn: But you know what? I think we'll finally get our questions answered about who Serenity is and what a Faierikin is and how you say Faierikin and what this whole 'save Hyrule' bit is and --
An hour passed by in the blink of an eye.
Analyn: Oh no. Author, no. You're not gonna do this to me, are you? Not gonna leave a brother hanging, right?
The two had discussed everything from Serenitys ancestors, to why she was banished to the human world, to what the legend of the last Faierikin held for her.
Analyn: Damn it! These are not answers, these are topics! You're not allowed to bring issues up like this and then drop them! This is lazy and irresponsible writing!
Jeff: Silly, this just means we can get to the hot hot Link loving faster.
Impa knew of everything and would guide Serenity as far as she could. Serenity was starting to grow great respect for Impa, for she was a very intelligent person.
Eddie: [Author] Well, I can develop this gently through the entire work, weaving a rich tapestry and adding resonance to whatever my theme is, or I can throw it in a sentence and leave it.
So I was sent to my world for protection from the King of Evil, given the disguise of a human, and have no memory of my life here at all, hu? Serenity asked, sipping the last of the water from her cup.
Jeff: So, she's ... Super Man? What?
Analyn: Of course she isn't, Super Man had a weakness.
Impa nodded, It sounds horrible, I know, but with the help of myself, Link, and Zelda, I believe we can figure this whole thing out before the Evil One returns.
Eddie: What whole thing?
Analyn: [Impa] We'll get the crossword done, I swear it.
One question I do have is what is the choice I am going to have to make?
Jeff: [Impa] You'll need to pick between Almond Joy, which has nuts, and Mounds, which ... don't.
The goddesses told Serenity of a life-altering decision that she will have to face in the peril of danger.
Analyn: Thanks for telling us what happened in the last chapter we read ten minutes ago, fanfic! Please continue to assume we're stupid!
Impa frowned, Im not sure if I can answer that or not, for I dont know either. Her expression turned to a smile,
Eddie: [Impa] Man, I love it when I don't know stuff!
come now, all this serious talk has left us with no mood for celebrating.
Jeff: Wait, what are we celebrating?!
There is a festival tonight!
Jeff: WHAT FESTIVAL?!
You must join us!
Jeff: WHY!? WHY!? I hate you, fanfic. I do.
Analyn: Everybody, FEST!
Come, I have the perfect dress for you.
Analyn: Tee hee, let's play dress up!
Eddie: I'm calling excessively long and flowery description of Mary Serenity in this dress.
Impa was right; the dress was stunning.
Jeff: La la, didn't match Mary Serenity's beauty, ho hum ...
It was light blue in color and set just off of Serenitys delicate shoulders.
Analyn: Gag. Is there any other way?
She looked in the mirror and almost gasped: she looked simply amazing.
Jeff: You are KIDDING me. Is this author serious?!
Analyn: For the record, every chapter has featured a description of Mary Serenity, and every other description has mentioned how awesomely awesome she looks. Literally.
The light blue of the dress contrasted beautifully with her brown (almost almond) hair, and brought out the blueness in her eyes,
Eddie: I so freaking called it.
Analyn: ALMOST almond. But not quite. I was on the fence, there, fanfic, thanks for clarifying.
Wow, this is too much Impa. You shouldnt have.
Jeff: Literally, you shouldn't have, as you've just fueled Mary Serenity's ego.
Eddie: Oh, no, nothing's ever too much for OUR Sweetheart Serenity.
Analyn: [Impa] Hey, don't mention it. By the way, what's your name?
Impa smiled, This is one of the Princesses old gowns. It fits you perfectly.
Analyn: Because Mary Serenity has the figure of a princess, naturally!
Jeff: We can pretend Zelda has been hitting the chocolate hard if you prefer ...
A princess wore this?! I thought you said this was from someone named Zelda.
Jeff: I'm going to pretend that Serenity is up on 1920s literature and isn't actually this out of the loop.
Impa laughed, Zelda IS the princess. She is a most wonderful person, and I know she will love to meet with you. She will be here tonight, should you wish to speak with her.
Eddie: [Impa] She'll be busy festing. She's celebrating that thing, too. You know, with the stuff.
Serenitys eyes lit up,
Jeff: I'm going to pretend that they lit up because she ran some voltage through her body. That'd just be awesome.
I would love to! I cant wait to meet her!
Analyn: Notice that most everything is sugar sweet sunny roses in this fic?
Jeff: Ask yourself if you want to deal with Mary Serenity's OMG ANGST later on.
Analyn: This is true.
She then turned to the mirror again, her smile slowly fading, I wish my ears didnt look so different from yours; I feel so out of place here.
Eddie: [Serenity] Man. If only I had something long and fuzzy and almost but not quite almond on my head to cover them up with!
You can change that, you know, Impa implied, you can do almost anything with the power you have received.
Analyn: I have to go cry now. I'll be right back.
Serenity turned to her, but the goddesses said that I had to have that Staff to use my powers, didnt they?
Jeff: Penalty! They did not!
Eddie: Hey, you're right.
Analyn: I guess this power involves making up and changing parts of the story.
Only if you want to cast big spells like defeating evil demons and monsters, Impa informed her, altering your image is almost a magicians trick compared to some of the battles youll be facing.
Analyn: But gee, why would she want to alter her perfectly perfect appearance? I'd think the monsters would see her, decide they didn't want to marr her face, and turn tail.
A thought came to Serenity suddenly,
Jeff: Did it hurt?
Speaking of that, the goddesses also said that I am supposed to be fighting beside the legendary Hero of Time, who is that anyway?
Analyn: Oh, fanfic, please don't play this game, it hurts physically at this point ... anyone reading this already knows canon, you don't need to reteach it, I swear...
Impa grinned, Oh dont worry about him, and hell reveal himself when the time is right.
Eddie: Isn't revealing yourself illegal?
Now about that image of yours... She started searching her bookshelf for an old spell book that she used to use, Ah ha! Here is the spell that you must say in order to alter your image to a Faierikin.
Jeff: [Impa] Whoa, actually, it's just a list of stuff for a Faierikin costume. You need fishnet stockings, a tye-dye leotard, a light-up necktie, a foam rubber cowboy hat, a Yankees t-shirt, some body glitter, knee-high yellow pleather boots, and some Christmas lights. Your ancestors had no taste, by the way.
Serenity looked over the words, which were written in ancient Faierikin tongue, I cant read this! I dont know how!
Eddie: [Serenity] Darn it all, even I can't say Faierikin!
Analyn: You know what the hell of it is? Somewhere out there, there's a copy of MSWord with the word "Faierikin" in the dictionary.
Just trust yourself, Serenity, and it will come to you, Impa coached.
Jeff: Sounds like directions for taking a dump.
Serenity looked at the book and sighed. Then she started forming the first few words under her breath.
Analyn: Want to hear the words I've been forming under my breath since the fic began?
Light started to glow all around her as she said them louder.
Eddie: Oh, good, so now Mary Serenity is Joan of Arc.
Soon she didnt even have to look at the book; she knew what was needed to be done.
Jeff: She was needed to be taking an English course was what.
When she was done,
Analyn: Wait, I'm lost. What did she do?
Eddie: Does it matter? It was perfect and it made her light up all pretty.
she faced Impa, who smiled and said,
Jeff: [Impa] You know? That gown actually makes you look fat.
It suits you, look. Serenity turned slowly and looked in the mirror again. Not much had changed, she still had her radiant beauty,
Analyn: Oh my GOSH. I'm gagging more than a bulimic patient right now. It's going to get to the point where every other sentence is how pretty Mary Serenity is. Heck, why do we need a plot? Why do we need a storyline? Why do we need other characters? I give up! Why do we need other sentences?! Let's just write thirty-four chapters of "Pretty awesome beautiful gorgeous Serenity wow guys love her?!" Cut out the middle man, fic, you know you want to!
but one thing was notably different: her ears were no longer rounded on top. They had taken their true form and were pointy like Links and Impas.
Eddie: And Satan's, may I remind you.
Serenity smiled and said, Wow, now I feel like I belong,
Analyn: [Serenity] I mean, before, I was WAAAAY better than everyone, but now that I've messed up my ears, I'm only astoundingly better than everyone!
she turned to Impa, please dont tell Link about this, I want to tell him myself.
Eddie: Because he won't figure it out when he sees them?
Impa nodded as Serenity fixed her hair so her ears didnt show.
Analyn: Question! Why did we not do this earlier?
Jeff: Answer! Because ... well, rats, I've got nothing.
She would surprise him later.
Eddie: MAN does that sound like she's gonna strip.
Soon after, there was a knock at the door.
Jeff: [Whoever's knocking] We're the Convenience Brigade! Does anyone need a convenient knock?
Come in Link! Impa called.
Eddie: [Whoever's knocking] But I'm actually a criminal, here to steal your possessions ad rape your family members..
Analyn: [Impa] Come on in, it's all good!
Link entered and grinned, sarcasm heavy in his voice, Gee, how did you ever know it was me? Impa met his sarcasm, Lucky guess.
Analyn: I think it's implied here that Link is the only visitor to Impa's home. Is Impa a shut in now?
Jeff: A telepathic shut in. Bye, Canon Impa!
Here is your lovely lady all cleaned up. She stepped out of the way and Serenity walked up to him. His expression changed from boyish grin to complete awe, Wow, I... uh... I dont know what to say...
Analyn: I've got some words you can use, Link. Most of them have four letters in them.
Serenity blushed, Is it that bad? Link shook his head quickly, his cheeks turning pink, no, no, its not that, you look amazing.
Eddie: Yaa! No! No, no! That's it, I demand that everyone wear traditional Kabuki Theater pancake makeup for the rest of the piece so we don't have to deal with this again.
She smiled and said, Shall we? He nodded and the two of them headed to the festival.
Jeff: No "thank you for saying I look nice?" Jerk.
Analyn: Perhaps it's a manners festival.
Well, theres chapter three.
Analyn: And there's our ficbitch.
I think I might be getting the hang of this posting thing! LOL.
Eddie: Really, what is wrong with this author? Millions of twelve-year old fans who can barely put together a sentence correctly use Fanfiction.net every day to share their gay incest Yu Gi Oh! lemons. This chick seems to have a rudimentary grasp of the English language, and uploading and posting still eludes her?!
In case any of you smart-asses out there think it, Im NOT BLONDE, just a little slow sometimes!
Analyn: Actually, I'd venture a guess and say your hair is almost almond. But, yanno, not quite.
Jeff: Did ... did this fic just swear at us?
Like it? Hate it? Comment if ya want to!
Analyn: Authors really really need to quit saying this one.
Four will be right behind this one, so....
Jeff: Isn't four behind five?
Well, peoples, here is chapter four (uploaded right, hopefully!) Sorry about posting chapter 3 twice! -- Im still trying to get the hang of this! LOL.
Eddie: I'm ... I'm in awe.
Jeff: Seriously, how does she continue to figure out what buttons to press on that darn keyboard?
Anyway, just to warn possible flamers (you know who you are!!!!!)
Eddie: Right here.
Analyn: Present and accounted for.
Eddie: Actually, don't we just give sarcastic critisism?
Analyn: In Fanfic Land, if it ain't blind wanking praise, it's a flame.
Things are beginning to heat up between Serenity and Link in this chapter.
Analyn: Wait, this would cause flames WHY?
Eddie: [Fangirl] OMG Link's gonna hook up with MEEE!!
If you pay attention to the dialogue, youll realize that things are out of their control in a way.
Jeff: Wait ... does she mean falling in love is out of their control?
Analyn: Oh, I'm sorry, like people PLAN who they'll be in love with?
Im not going to say any more, just that itll make more sense in the future (hopefully!)
Eddie: Author, dearest, your foreshadowing makes me think of running a kitten over in a mack truck.
Now for reviews:
Ganondorfson: You are so becoming my favorite person right now!
Analyn: Does he just have some sort of Mary Sue fetish, or what's going on?
It is so nice of you to review this story and help me out like this!
Jeff: I'm hoping he's helping her see this story for the Sue-riffic wankfest it is.
Eddie: I'm hoping he's helping her see the Review Button.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I think I shall give you a cookie hands over a cookie Yay!!!!!
Analyn: For some crazy reason, I'm reminded of those small, yappy dogs.
Jeff: Really? Huh. Why's that?
Analyn: I honestly have no idea.
And now, without further adu... here is chapter 4!
CHAPTER 4: JOURNEY TO THE PIECE OF LIGHT
Jeff: But light isn't a physical thing, therefore one can't have a piece --
Analyn: Shh. It will be shiny and pretty and highlight Mary Serenity's features.
The whole village was there it seemed.
Eddie: They wanted to bask in Mary Serenity's glow, what?
The celebration was for the years wonderful and bountiful harvest.
Jeff: WELL FINALLY.
Analyn: We couldn't have been told this earlier why?
There was music, food, dancing, lights, the whole she-bang.
Analyn: Oh, I hope the Harvest Sprite blesses us this year!
Jeff: I'm gonna ask Maria the mayor's daughter to dance with me!
Eddie: I hope I don't drop the bottle of perfume I bought!
Serenity was thrilled and having the time of her life.
Jeff: Wait, a Harvest Festival is the highlight of her twenty-odd years on this planet? Yup. She's southern.
Link was wonderful,
All: Oh SIGH.
and he never left her side the whole time.
Eddie: He never RIGHT her side, either! Ha! Ha, ha!
Eddie: Ha ha?
Analyn: Loverly try, but no.
The two of them sat down after yet another jig and tried to catch their breath. A silvery voice called out, Link! Is it you?
Jeff: [Serenity] Wait, is someone addressing someone else besides me? I'm lost and confused!
Link looked up and smiled, Well, Ill be,
if it isnt her majesty herself. He got up and bowed. Serenity, having a delayed reaction, jumped up and tried to curtsey, stumbling just a little. Zelda giggled.
Eddie: Actually, looks like Zelda might be good for this fic.
Jeff: Yeah, I bet she puts Mary Serenity in her place.
Analyn: Sheah. Right. I call labored confession scene where Zelda surrenders her love for Link so that he can be happy with Serenity.
Jeff: ... darn you, Annie, I hate you when you're right.
She was stunning: Her golden blonde hair slightly pulled back by her golden tiara, which matched with all the other gold jewelry on her.
Analyn: I guess that she wasn't as special as Serenity, as Serenity got a sentence. Well, more than one, but you catch my drift.
Jeff: Bling bling, yo.
Her dress was white and violet, with shades of blue and pink.
Jeff: I notice that we only get one sentence on color, while, with Serenity, we also got a description of fit and how wonderfully wonderful it made her look.
You must be the famous Serenity that I have heard so much about,
she then curtsied a little herself,
I am Zelda, princess of Hyrule, and I officially welcome you to our land. I hope you stay for a while.
Analyn: [Serenity] Well, I've got a thirty-four chapter stint, so why not?
I would love to hear tales of your world.
Eddie: But what about Sonic or Knuckles?
Serenity smiled, I would love that your majesty, it would be my pleasure. Zelda clasped her hands together with Serenitys,
Analyn: Stop it!
Wonderful! Then we shall meet tomorrow in the castle courtyard.
Eddie: So help me, if there's a chapter on hedge-hiding and guard-dodgng...
You and Link will be staying there tonight after the festival, if that is alright.
Jeff: Wait, she's gonna make them sleep in the courtyard?
Serenity could barely contain her excitement, for she had never been in a castle before,
Analyn: [Serenity] Well, except for the one in Wales that Daddy bought for me and Star Streak.
of coarse it is! Thank you so much your majesty! Zelda laughed, Please, my dear, call me Zelda.
Jeff: [Zelda] And Link, you're welcome to call me Nurse Nasty, wink wink.
See you later! She then walked off to greet some of the other townsfolk at the festival. The music had changed into a slow waltz, and Link turned to Serenity and held out his hand, care to dance? Serenity blushed and nodded.
Analyn: Head spinning. If this waltz is as long as this sentence, we may be in for it.
The two of them joined the circle and began to dance as if they were meant to be there.
Eddie: Wait, they weren't meant to be there? Like, what, they busted in or something?
She didnt notice at first, maybe because she was concentrating so hard on the dance, or maybe it was that she was lost in those innocent blue eyes of his,
Jeff: Or maybe it was the overwhelming stench of peasant ...
Analyn: Or maybe he was too busy clomping all over her feet with those huge boots ...
Eddie: Or maybe it was the fact that he was wearing tights ifyouknowwhatImean ...
but the two of them were moving closer to each other, and further away from the festival, until
Analyn: -- until they had actually fused their torsos together.
they were off by themselves in a patch of moonlight.
Eddie: [sings] Alone in the moonlight ...
Jeff: A patch? What, like you can grow this stuff? Like you can buy seeds for a few cents at Wal-Mart?
They had stopped dancing by now, and were so close to each other that they could feel each others breath.
Jeff: [Link] Yuck, Serenity, it's called a toothbrush.
The two of them stood there,
Analyn: As opposed to performing open-heart surgery there.
as if they were in a trance.
Jeff: To be fair, that's awesome music.
Finally, Link broke the silence.
Eddie: With the Megaton hammer? Oh, please! That'd be awesome! He can follow along behind her pink tank ...
You really look amazing, Serenity, the tone of his voice was so quiet and soothing, that it took Serenity by surprise.
Analyn: [laughs] I love it! His voice soothed her so much that it shocked her!
Thank you, I... she trailed off, not really knowing what to say. It didnt matter; Link put a finger to her lips, shushing her gently.
Jeff: Wait, he's shushing her, but she's not saying anything ... ?
Analyn: This fic is slowly working its way to having complete and total logic disconnects in every sentence.
Eddie: "Suddenly, Link magically morphed into Mario without changing a bit."
Their two heads moved closer together.
Jeff: I'm flashing back to a bunch of Three Stooges sketches right about now.
Wait, Serenity whispered.
Analyn: Hold it. Doesn't she still have his finger on her lips?
Jeff: "'Mmmph,' Serenity whispered."
He stopped, his lips inches away from hers.
What is it? Serenity was having a whirlwind of emotions.
Jeff: Oh, no! She's gonna sing, isn't she!
Eddie: [sings] I think, I feel, I fear I'm in!
Jeff: How did I know that you'd supply the correct line from some Broadway hit.
Eddie: I'm like a musical theater ninja, that's why.
She had never felt this way about any guy, and shes known Link for about four or five hours!
Analyn: She liked him so much her tenses were changing!
Link, you dont even know me,
Eddie: [Serenity] You're trying to be all up in my Kool-Aid, and you don't even KNOW my flava'!
Jeff: From Broadway nut to gangsta in nothing flat. You frighten me, Eddie.
Eddie: It's okay, you'll have the chance to scare us in a second.
Jeff: Why thank -- HEY!
how do you know you can trust me? He paused for a moment, and whispered to her, as strange as you may find this, I dont care.
Jeff: So, Link's either stupid or kinky.
Analyn: Or both.
He then gently put his lips against hers and they meshed together
All: VULCAN LIP MELD!
in a beautiful first kiss. Serenity thought she was going to faint.
Analyn: Really? I think I'm going to barf.
She opened her eyes to find his looking deeply at her.
Eddie: [Serenity] PERVERT!
They both smiled and started walking together. Serenity knew that she had to tell Link sooner or later,
Jeff: Tell him what?!
Analyn: Her name, remember?
so she figured that this was the best time to tell him: when they were alone. Link, I need to confess something to you. He turned to look at her, slight concern forming in his eyes.
Eddie: Really? I thought you only get those when you're older. I guess Serenity's gonna need laser surgery --
Analyn: Not CATARACTS, you fool!
Its nothing bad, she continued, smiling to reassure him,
Analyn: [Serenity] It's just that I'm really into SBDM and I need a partner. How do you feel about spikes?
I just think you need to know the truth about me. She sighed and smiled slightly, Im not exactly who you think I am. With that, she pulled back her hair, revealing her newly acquired Faierikin state.
Jeff: Wait, WHAT?! Didn't she just get her ears fixed so that she looked like Link? Theoretically, her ears shouldn't tell him ANYTHING ...
Analyn: I really just want to kill something at this point.
Links eyes got wide and he smiled, Tell me everything you know.
Eddie: Two minutes later...
They sat there for hours,
Analyn: Oh, yeah RIGHT.
as Serenity unfolded the mystery of her life to Link, and her conversation with Impa.
Eddie: Which we still don't know and we're still waiting to find out.
Link was such an attentive listener. He was amazed at how she had even been able to think after what had happened to her in the past 48 hours.
Jeff: Yeah, I'd be dazed and confused too if someone took me in, gave me a nice meal, dressed me up and sent me to a party where I fell in love with the Hero of Hyrule.
Then, the same thought came to Serenity as it did when she was talking with Impa, the goddesses said that I am to do battle against the King of Evil with the other chosen one known as the Hero of Time, do you know who that is?
Analyn: PENALTY! Impa said there'd be "a life-altering decision that she will have to face in the peril of danger." None of this King of Evil stuff.
Jeff: Did the author even look at what she was writing!?
Link sighed and looked ahead for a minute,
Eddie: Try looking BACK for a minute, maybe you'd catch all your continuity errors.
his blue eyes studying something in the far distance, I had a feeling that this was going to happen. Ganondorf couldnt stay banished forever, He then turned back to Serenity, I have a confession to make as well Serenity, he began, the Hero of Time... is me.
All: DUN DUN DUN.
Analyn: Sorry, fanfic, but when you ask us to play ignorant, we get mean.
She was stunned for a few minutes, but after thinking about it,
Jeff: I just got the image of Mary Serenity staring blankly at Link for a good hour or so. That's attractive.
she understood completely, thats why everyone knows who you are.
Eddie: [Link] That, and my popular late-night talk show that follows Letterman.
He nodded, Yeah, thats why Zelda is letting us stay at the castle as well.
Analyn: That, and she thinks she'll be getting some.
Its my home away from home, I guess.
Jeff: Doesn't Link always live in some shack mere yards away from the castle?
Eddie: [Link] It's my home right next to home, I guess.
He sighed and turned to her, Im sorry I didnt tell you, I guess I was... well, I dont know why, but Im sorry.
Eddie: [Link] I guess I'd better tell you about the eight other girls who want a piece of my Master Sword too, if you know what I mean. Plus every single female gamer on the planet.
Analyn: Hey, you don't know that --
Jeff: Oh, shut up, Annie. You'd plow that fairy in a New York minute given half a chance. I've seen you play Ocarina of Time, you have to clean the drool off the TV afterwards.
Analyn: ... Samus.
Jeff: Fine, draw.
Serenity blinked a couple of times, "I kissed a legendary hero?" she thought to herself, "go me!"
Analyn: [Serenity] He's awesome, but I'm better because I kissed him!
She smiled and said, Thats okay, I mean you didnt even know who I was or where I came from, so I cant exactly blame you.
Eddie: [Link] Plus there's that whole "we've only known each other a couple of hours" deal.
Jeff: [Link] Hey, when are you gonna tell me your name?
Link looked up at the sky, Its getting late, should we head for the castle? Serenity nodded, and the two of them headed to where Link had left Epona tied up. They mounted
Jeff: That Link, he's an operator!
and galloped to the castle,
Eddie: I ... I think I'm too young to read this.
where Zelda informed the guards to let them in through the gate.
When they got to the room Zelda had prepared for Serenity, Link walked her in and sat down.
Jeff: Whew. Yeah, after riding Serenity all the way to the castle, I think the poor boy DESERVES a good sit.
She was in awe, for she had never been in such a glamorous room!
Analyn: [moan] MUST we do this again fanfic? Can't Serenity get something slightly less than spectacular, just once?
The bed was huge
Jeff: Well, then what did Link bang her outside for?
and had many different sized pillows on it that were of different shades of red, pink and white. The comforter on top was pink and silky, and there was a sheer canopy over the top of the bed. The floor was smooth marble, and there was a closet, desk, and vanity
Eddie: I'll say there's some vanity here.
in the room, along with a door that led out to a small balcony.
Analyn: Good kitty, take off your clothes?
She plopped down next to Link and looked into his eyes, I guess were going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming days, hu? He smiled and nodded, Yes, which is why I think we should start tomorrow.
Jeff: Worst dumping line ever!
Analyn: And after he sexed her all the way to the castle, too.
Serenity raised an eyebrow, Start? Start on what?
Eddie: [Link] My "Precious Moments" doll collection, silly!
Finding that Staff of Power.
Jeff: WHOA! Talk about your penis metaphor!
Analyn: Link is just insatiable, isn't he.
Legend has it that the goddesses broke it into seven pieces
Jeff and Eddie: OWWW!
when they found out that it was too powerful,
Analyn: Goodness gracious. How long are we going to have to hear about Link's Mighty Man Meat?
and it caused fights between the races of Hyrule.
Jeff: When you consider that Link had nearly one girl per race after him in Ocarina of Time, this line is just flat out hilarious.
Serenity nodded, Youre right I guess, but the goddesses didnt tell me where to even start looking. I have absolutely no idea where to start.
Eddie: So, wait, do you not know where you should start? Is that the problem?
Link smiled, I do. Come with me.
Jeff: [Link] We're going to check my tights.
He took her hand and led her to a secret passageway down a velvet covered hallway to the basement of the castle.
Analyn: Took her hand? Secret passageway? Hallway? Basement? Why, Dr. Sigmund Freud, it's so good to see you here!
Down there was an old reading room, with tons of books covered in dust and cobwebs. The smell in the air was musty, like no one had been there for years.
Jeff: You'll hit me if I make a tuna joke, won't you, Annie.
There wasnt much light, but Serenitys body glowed enough to light the way.
Analyn: What. The. Hell.
Link was startled at first, but Serenity giggled and shrugged, one of the Faierikin perks, I guess.
Eddie: This fic, it's amazing. We keep reading it, and I keep thinking, "There's NO WAY she could be any Sue-ier." And then the author, she finds a way. I'm ... I'm awestruck.
He smiled and led her to a drawer.
I was wondering around the castle a while ago, and stumbled across that secret passageway. I went exploring and found this room. After digging through some stuff, I came across this. He opened the drawer and inside was a dusty object that resembled a metal rod.
Analyn: Oh no. OH no. Oh, oh HELL no, they did NOT just stumble on a metal dil--
Jeff: Maybe if we don't say it, it won't be true!
Curious, Serenity picked it up.
It started glowing yellow
and she smiled, this is it! This IS the first Piece of the Staff! Oh Link I could just kiss you right now!
Eddie: Well, you already did once.
Jeff: Plus you let him mount you on the way to the castle.
Eddie: And you're holding his light-up sex toy.
Jeff: So seriously, a kiss? Not a big deal.
She was so excited she didnt even realize the words came right out of her mouth until her eyes met Links, who said softly, then why dont you?
Analyn: [Serenity] Because boys are icky.
She blushed as Link gently pulled her forward and pressed his lips to hers. Neither of them knew it at the moment, but the glow surrounding Serenity began forming around Link as well.
Jeff: It's contagious? I'm secretly hoping that it's actually severe radiation poisoning or something.
The two opened their eyes and smiled as they looked around. Then a voice whispered to them, almost singing,
Analyn: That BETTER not be Mr. B. Natural.
Well done, chosen ones. You have fulfilled the first part of your destiny. Now make haste to the place where the lost children live.
Eddie: We're gonna have to pretend we don't know what the Kokiri are, aren't we.
There you will find the second part of the treasure you seek. If thou needest help, just give the word...
Jeff: [Voice] Just give a shout-out to thine homies, y'all.
With that, the voice was gone.
Analyn: Because the voice was a physical presence in the first place?
Was that what I thought it was? Link asked in amazement. Serenity smiled, Farore, goddess of courage. Yes it was.
Jeff: I'm just bored and angry at this point, so I'll be lazy and only call penalty at Serenity knowing the goddesses better than Link.
He looked down at her, How do you know the difference? She smiled again, Because I just know.
Analyn: [Serenity] Because the author's lazy.
Come on, we need to get some sleep before tomorrow. Link nodded, and the two of them went back upstairs and to their rooms. Tomorrow would indeed be a long, hard day.
Jeff: Special challenge for the kids: Find one clean thing in that line!
Well, there it is! Hope you enjoyed it!
Eddie: I want my afternoon back.
Please review me, people! I will give you a cookie if ya do! ;)
Analyn: I want a cookie, but I'm gonna guess and say you won't give it to us.
Five will be along tonight sometime (If Im not too tired!)
Jeff: Goodness! Cool it on the chapters, okay? Take some time, savor the flavor...
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