"Oh boy, another school dance,"Ron said reading the notice that was posted
on then Gryffindor notice board.
Jeff: A historical note -- this is the first fic we've done that didn't start with a sunny day.
Analyn: "Oh boy?" What the butt, is this 1954? "Golly gee whiz, I'll ask my best girl to the sock hop! It'll be so swell!"
"Oh come on Ron, it will be fun," Hermione said smilling.
"I guess so."
"It will, trust me."
Eddie: ... well that was easy. Imagine what this world would be like if someone ALWAYS believed someone else just because they were told.
Jeff: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
Jeff: "Yeah, trust me."
"Come on lets go tell Harry!"
Analyn: ... because Harry is an illiterate blind deaf-mute? Wait, why isn't Harry next to them now?
"Okay,"Ron said following Hermione out of the Gryffindor Common room and down the halls to the Great Hall. Sure enough Harry was there at the Gryffindor table.
Jeff: There's your answer, Annie, he was busy being at the Gryffindor table.
Analyn: Well, yeah, that's important stuff. I hear the Hogwarts students take Being At The Gryffindor Table 101 for credit.
Ron sat down across from Harry and Hermione sat down beside Ron.
Analyn: Audiences will not be seated during the ... well, the seating scene.
"Harry, there is going to be another school dance," Hermione said happily. Ron didn't know why she was so excited about a school dance, but he continued eating his dinner
Eddie: ... that he doesn't have?
Jeff: [Ron] Mmm, mmm, air! It's oxy-tastic!
while Hermione and Harry talked about it.
Jeff: [Harry] Hey, Hermione! It!
Analyn: [Hermione] Wow, really? It?
Jeff: [Harry] Yes indeed!
All: O RLY!?
"Yes, it is going to be next Friday," she shrieked.
Jeff: "Shrieked?" What, did the thought of a dance give Hermione an orgasm or something?
Analyn: [Hermione] Trust us.
Eddie: [Harry] Okay.
"Are you going to go? Ron and I are."
Eddie: Wait, when did Ron say he'd go?
Jeff: I guess you couldn't hear him over Hermione's dancegasm.
"Wait you two are going together?" Harry asked with a smile on his face.
"Are you-- Woah wait a second.
Jeff: [Ron] This isn't my Batman cup!
Ron and I are not going together, I mean of course we are going together, but as friends not a date."
Analyn: Hermione! Sweetheart! Calm down a notch, Ron hasn't even said he wants to go! Let alone go with you!
Eddie: Has he even said anything these past few lines?
Jeff: Naah, he's too busy eating his air.
Eddie: [Ron] Hermione, who even said we were friends?
"Oh really? Well I guess I will go and hang out with Ron and you unless of course he gets a date or you get a date." Harry said laughing.
Jeff: Or perhaps you could get a date, Harry. Usually this is where we make some joke about your datability, but you're FREAKING HARRY POTTER. Women want you, men want to be you. You're like the James Bond of the wizarding world.
"Oh shutup Harry,"Ron barrled into the conversation.
Analyn: The roll of Ron tonight will be played by a Mr. Donkey Kong.
"Hermione why are you so eager to go to this dance? You got a hot date,"Harry asked laughing again.
Eddie: [Harry] Ha ha, it's funny when people are sexually attracted to each other!
"No, but it will be fun,"Hermione said defensivly,"and besides I could always get a date."
"Oh is Vicky boy coming to town?" Ron asked chuckling.
Analyn: Didn't say anything.
"Don't call him that, but no he isn't. I don't really talk to him anymore."
"Oh really? You don't owl Krum anymore?" Ron asked smiling.
Eddie: You know, I never understood why Hogwarts never employed email. Seriously, they have a moat full of mermaids, but they can't put it upon themselves to purchase a mac for the library.
"No. Now if you will excuse me I am going to the Dormitory to do my homework before either of you come up with another way to offend me," Hermione said walking off in a huffy.
Jeff: She walked off in a kid's bicycle? Pretty slick.
Analyn: Is The Dormitory some sort of swank club?
"Harry, do you think we offended her in anyway?" Ron asked.
Eddie: [Ron] I mean, she crawled inside a bicycle and everything.
"We? I didn't offend her you DID,"Harry said
"Whatever,"Ron said stretching his arms.
"Hey we should probably be heading back to the Common Room."
All: Trust me.
When they got inside the common room Hermione was sitting at the fireplace diligently finishing her homework. Ron walked over to where she was sitting and asked,"Do you mind if I sit here?"
Analyn: Where, where she was sitting?
Jeff: Maybe he meant on her lap.
Analyn: Maybe he wants HER to sit on HIS lap, which I'm sure she wouldn't mind...
"No,"she said rather rudely.
"Hey look, I'm really sorry about what happend at dinner, I shouldn't have been a jerk. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" Ron said while sitting down and giving her the pouty face.
Eddie: Like, what, he took a face that looked pouty and handed it to her? Cool!
"Yes I forgive you just stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" Ron said still giving her the pouty face,"Like this?"
"Yes,"Hermione said giggling,"Please stop."
Analyn: Hello, FlirtyPreteenGirl!Ron and QueenGiggles!Hermione, have we met?
Jeff: What's worse, the fact that that reminds me of when Miss Piggy called Kermit "Kermy" or the fact that that seems like Ron's calling Hermione a hermaphrodite?
"So do you still have homework?" Hermione asked.
"You know it."
"What do you have left to do?" Hermione asked.
All: [Ron] You.
"Potion's Essay and thats it,"Ron said.
"Okay I will help you, if you need it."
"Of course I do,"Ron said while pulling a peice of parchment out of his bag.
So she explained the whole paper to Ron so he could write it.
Analyn: ... say what? Doesn't Hermione usually get really pissy when Harry and Ron ask her for help?
Jeff: I guess being in Twue Wuv means that you do the guy's homework for him.
Analyn: The hell it does!
"Alright,thanks for the help." Ron said.
"Oh, no problem." Hermione said.
Eddie: [Ron] Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk over to the closet where the Real Hermione is bound and gagged, untie her, and then slay you, you evil evil pod creature.
"Well I'm going to bed, goodnight 'Mione."
"Yeah me to. Goodnight Ron."
Ron walked up slowly to the room
Analyn: That's important.
Jeff: He walked slowly?
Analyn: Trust me.
that he shared with Harry, Nevielle, Dean, and Seamus. All of the other boys were sound asleep. Ron just quietly walked over to his bed
and climbed into it and fell asleep without changing into his pajamas.
He woke up to Harry hitting him on the head with his pillow and screaming,"RON WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE QUIDITCH PITCH REMEMBER! I SAID I WOULD HELP YOU WORK ON YOUR KEEPER SKILLS!"
Eddie: Too much sugar on the Cheerios, Harry?
Jeff: Jesus, it's like One Flew Over the Coocoo's Nest' on cocaine.
Analyn: Harry's an English male for crying out loud, is he ever anything aside from quiet and reserved?
Eddie: I think Harry just forgot his medicine.
"Yeah, man. Stop yelling in my ear. You hurt my eardrum!"
Analyn: And the pillow to the face did nothing for you ... ?
"Whatever get off your lazy arse and get ready to go practice."
Jeff: So Harry is The ADD Avenger and Ron is 80 years old, gotcha.
go out of bed and put on a new shirt and pants.
Eddie: Not to mention some 3D glasses, leg warmers, a tutu, a beanie with a propeller, a purple poncho and some ice skates.
Then him and Harry walked down to the Quiditch Pitch and got their brooms.
Analyn: [Ron] Harry, ever wonder why the hell we just don't all switch to vacuum cleaners?
"Okay Ron, I'll get the Quaffle you go gaurd your goals."
All: Trust me.
Ron swung one leg over his broom and flew up to the three rings that he was to guard. Harry came out of the locker room with a Quaffle then flew in front of the three rings.
"Okay. Give it your best shot!" Ron yelled.
Jeff: Does this whole thing feel a little homoerotic to anyone else?
Analyn: In the 'drop the soap' kind of way, yeah.
Harry threw the Quaffle into one of the three rings and Ron looked a little angry.
Eddie: [Ron] How DARE you play the game correctly!
"That was lucky,"Ron yelled.
Jeff: [Harry] Your MOM was lucky!
Eddie: [Ron] Dude, what?
Jeff: [Harry] Sorry ... I'm a bad Quidditch hooligan. I think it comes from being English.
Harry kept throwing the Quaffle at one of the three rings sometimes missing and sometimes getting the Quaffle into the ring.
Analyn: ... well, yes, that would be what would logically happen if you threw a ball at a hoop a number of times.
When they were done Ron and Harry went into the locker room and put their brooms up and the Quaffle.
Eddie: [Ron] Hey, Harry, any idea what any of this has to do with the plot?
When they walked out of the locker room Hermione was standing right there.
"Oh there you two are." She said.
"Yeah Hermione, whats up?" Harry asked.
"Oh, nothing I just wanted to ask you two if you were coming to eat lunch?"
Analyn: So you ASSUME they're coming to the ball but you ASK if they'll eat lunch. Mmmkay.
"Oh but of course,"Ron said.
"Yeah thats what I thought." Hermione said giggling.
Jeff: Tee hee, it's funny when people need to eat!
"So how was practice you two?"She asked walking beside them towards the Great Hall.
"It was okay, I could have done better." Ron said.
"Okay, well do you two have anymore homework to do before the end of the weekend?"
"Nope,"Harry and Ron said at the same time. Hermione looked shocked, they almost never finished their homework before Sunday.
Analyn: Yeah, seriously. Did the author read the books? I'm waiting for the scene when Snape and Dumbledore, both adorned in authentic 60s garb complete with tye dye and sunglasses, light up a fat doobie and put all their hallucinations in the pensive while listening to "Inna Gadda Divida."
Jeff: Meanwhile, a thugged out Hagrid and Luna are busy ricing out the school carriages with spinners and tinted windows.
Eddie: And then Tonks and Lupin do a cabaret!
Analyn: That one's a little bit likely to happen.
Eddie: ... point.
They had just entered the Great Hall and saw Malfoy picking on some second year. The three of them sat down at the Gryffindor table and Ron started putting loads of food on his plate.
A/N: I was going to put this chapter together with the 2nd one but I decided that it would be to long, so I split them up. So the 2nd chapter should be posted soon. Please read and review.
Eddie: Because editing is for sissies.
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